AS TIME PASSES BY, I WILL BE A PERSON WHO'LL BE HATED BECAUSE OF ONE ENTRY. RIGHT OR WRONG?

I am undergoing another dilemma. I don't know what to do. Lord please help me! Everyone is against me. I am in a "emotionally troubled" state as I type this entry. I am serious. I want to fight my inner demons. I am in a state wherein I want to fix my life. I don't know why I even did that thing. It makes me sick that I am gradually changing into a person who rants everything. I hate it. It sucks. It is degenerating my reputation bit by bit.

I'm still in a state wherein I'm distraught. I don't know why I said those harsh remarks. It seems that I destroyed her reputation in a way that I presented her as a bad person. The fact is I still remember all the good times. You see, it's just that I have to release the pain inside me so I can totally move on. But because of my sheer stupidity, I said everything - yes, all the truth - and because of it, the situation got worse.

I should also remember that she treated me with respect, kindness and to be honest, she really did treat me well. I don't know why I suddenly went on a rampage. What she did in the past was not shitty at all. What I did in the previous entries was the shitty thing. I should not have blamed her for my downfalls in life. The truth is, she did nothing wrong at all. It's just that my stupidity is saying that she did.

I will do something to patch things up but now is not the time. She is still mad at me but I want to be at friends again. For some reason, I want to do some suicidal things but then I must not do those suicidal things. I just really hope that she forgives me but then chances of that happening are very minimal.

It's my fault that I said everything in one entry. It's my fault to have posted that entry. It's my fault that I said those things. It's my fault that I even have to make this blog. It's my fault that I was stupid. It's my fault that I presented her as a bad person though in reality she's not. It's my fault not to think brightly. It's my fault not to understand the situation very well. It's my fault that I mistreated her. It's my fault that this mess started in the first place.

I regret this mess and I have to accept the fact that I can't do anything now. It's my fault after all and I have to pay the price. I am still hoping though that she'll forgive me and be friends again. In the end, it depends on me on how this will end up. But I have to apologize first. The question is when? But then, I don't know the answer. The bottomline is I have to clean up this mess that I've created. Also, SHE IS NOT A BAD PERSON. I AM THE BAD PERSON.

Savvy?