I AM THE CULT OF PERSONALITY

"Neon lights, a Nobel Prize! The mirror speaks, the reflection lies. You don't have to follow me! Only you can set me free."
- "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour -

I've promised that this entry will be the one about what's running inside my head for three days already. Since I've made that promise, I will do it. This entry will be straightforward and pretty factual enough. This entry will just set the record straight about what's really inside my head.

Seriously, thoughts of her are running still in my head. I definitely want to move on because the pain is extremely excruciating. Sorry to say but I really need an answer, a reply, an explanation or whatever from someone which will say on how I must move on and should I really forget my past.

It's my fault on asking her in the first place. I mean, I should have just accepted all the realities that were present during that time. I should have just let the situation stay as it is during that time rather than to let myself enter the disgusting doors of pain, suffering and misery.

Desperate is the right term to describe myself in terms of my desire to move forward and write a new chapter of my life. I am languishing in pain, ready to scream and howl with so much anguish in me. I'm not emo by the way. I don't slash my wrists. But this is really just my situation. Sorry.

Hopefully, this mess that I myself created will be over. I want to forget and move forward. But I hope it won't compromise a single thing. I just really want to get over this and start something new.

During the practice of our Shakesperean play, the Midsummer Night's Dream, I almost cried when I was talking about this situation to someone whom I'm not really close at but still knows the situation. I was really teary-eyed. I hope that person doesn't spill the beans to anyone. I just really trusted that person a lot. Heck, I don't know why I'm dwelling on this thing for such a long time already.

I'm in a state wherein I'm searching for answers. Yes, I reiterate the point that I'm searching for answers. You might ask, what answers am I looking for? I am looking for the answer or an explanation from her that can help me move on and start again or maybe this explanation will make it easier on me to find someone to occupy my heart anew.

I feel that full transparency and truthfulness are the only things that can make me happy. By this, I mean that I just really want to know something about the situation. Something that I do not know.

I'm not yet insane as I type this entry. Madness will only come if I do not overcome this situation. It's all my fault. Damn. I think I have rushed my decision quite a bit. The result is that . . . I'm now experiencing rock bottom.

Hell yeah! I'm not feeling well since all this ruckus happened. I ought to fix this before something shitty happens to me.

Savvy?

I FAILED BIG TIME AND SCREWED IT UP!

"Only the strongest will survive! Lead me to heaven when we die! I have a shadow on the wall. I'll be the one to save us all!"
- "Blow Me Away" by Breaking Benjamin -

We had our Shakesperean play earlier and we kinda messed up big time. Heck, my dubbing wasn't good either. In short, I failed big time. Also, it was kinda disrespectful for the people not to give even a simple applause or clapping for us. Way to go guys! But then, Isaiah helped us and we also helped them. A simple Intramural team-up have resulted to this kind of bonding. Very laudable in my humble opinion.

Then, there are those things that piss us off. One thing is that tests suddenly come on the days of practices and on the day of the presentation itself. I mean, it's just like there is no consideration at all from the teachers. Also, I think there should have been an elimination stage first so as to reduce the number of plays come culminating activity day. Seriously, all of the plays took a lot of time and also, I think that the activity must have started much earlier than usual.

Also, I just think that the 15 minute limit is just ridiculous. Sorry for the term but I think it must have been a 25 minute time limit. By the way, I just really felt that it should have been a competition. I'm not implying that we are winning it outright but then, if it is a competition, it would have spiced things up. As usual, Genesis had a nice play which can be described as "innovative" and "creative".

Well, I slept at 1 A.M last night and woke up at 5 P.M. That is what you call a four hour sleep needed by me. Earlier, I felt very sluggish up to the point that I really wanted to sleep big time. Thank you script for making me type in the wee hours of the morning.

Currently, I;m updating this blog of course and I'm listening to some music. Jordan by Buckethead is just so damn good. It can hurt your ears though if you don't like rock music that much.

I just really appreciated the fact that I still managed to survive this hellish week. I am sincerely hoping that by the time that Christmas season comes, all pains are gone and let them be bygones.

Mcoy and Ethel are already out in the PBB House. Screw you Big Brother! Screw you! Seriously, PBB will be boring like hell now. Mariel is about to go out so in my opinion, there would be no fun factor now in this show.

This is it. Next entry will be about something that has been running on my mind for 3 days already.

Savvy?

THIS FIGHT COULD BE THE LAST FIGHT . . .

"This fight could be the last fight! No giving and no winning! One time could be the all the time! Should we decide to end the misery?"
- The Last Fight by Velvet Revolver -

After a long hiatus from blogging, I am again composing another blog entry. My enthusiasm for blogging is still the same. Why the sudden hiatus? It's all because of school, school, school, and school. Chemistry has been an inflicter of torture. Math has been a chore too. Filipino is about to become a class concerning nationalistic values, historical events, and some other stuff. Note that all of these subjects are the ones that cause me to sleep in school for like 5 minutes.

Recently, I experienced an event that only a foolish man could experience. That event I'm talking about is not walking properly on the stairs. The aforementioned event caused me to have an injured ankle that is now swollen. I'm really now having difficulties walking around the house.

Thanks to the announcement of the postponement of classes, I escaped from the cage of torture again. Thank God! No tests for Chemistry, Math, and Filipino! Yehey! Finally, HFA made a good decision. But then, it was announced a little bit too late. Aside from that minor niggle, I laud that decision of HFA.

Currently, I'm listening to a song named "Minus Celsius" by Backyard Babies. Thank you Paco for recommending this song. It certainly kicks ass big time. Also, the song "Blow Me Away" by Breaking Benjamin certainly is nice too. Thank you Cereal Killer and your Friendster profile for letting me know that song.

I just really hope that this A-Rod drama will stop. He will eventually sign with the Yankees anyway so what's the fuss all about? Finally, we can say goodbye to *762* HRs in 7 to 10 years.

Finally, after lots of thinking, careful planning, some tedious soul searching, and some prayers, I now know what to do regarding my problem in the past. Hopefully, it all pans out for the best. Currently, I'm interested in someone. Hopefully, it all works out for the best.

Bye.
Savvy?