"Every night, you cry yourself to sleep. Thinking why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard? Hard to believe that! It's not over tonight! Just give me one more chance to make it right! I may not make it through the night! I won't go home without you!"
- Maroon 5's "Won't Go Home Without You" -

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The lines of Maroon 5's "Won't Go Home Without You" are really meaningful. This song, coupled with Meléé's "Built To Last", has been making me feel good about myself recently. I don't know what to do. It's like I'm happy at first but suddenly, I am sad and anxious of what is to come. I really have to move on and I have decided on what really are the things that I will do regarding this.

I will treat the people around me normally except for some of my classmates that is. Yes, I will stay normal and let time and God help me and hopefully, I can pass this challenge in my life with passing colors. Seriously, I consider this challenge as the biggest that I've encountered in my existence here on Earth.

Also, if you are a Firefox user, download the RedShift skin! It is really nice and it adds a dark touch to your Firefox browser. Believe me, it's worth downloading it and it only consumes 524KB of your hard drive! No kidding!

I'm sorry to you. I have done lots of wrongdoings already. Please forgive me. You know who you are. Just forgive me please. I'm sorry.

Happy Halloween to all of you there! Tomorrow is All Saints' Day if I'm not mistaken and let's all pay respect to our beloved dead.

This is it. I'll edit this tomorrow.



"They rally round the family with a pocket full of shells! Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes, not need, just feed the war cannibal animal! I walk the corner to the rubble that used to be a library. Line up to the cemetery! What we don't know keeps the contracts alive and moving! They don't gotta burn the books, they just remove 'em while arms warehouses fill as quick as the cells! Rally round the family! Pockets full of shells! Rally round the family with a pocket full of shells! Bulls on parade!"
- Rage Against The Machine's "Bulls On Parade" -

Sunday has finally approached us and that just means one damn thing. It just means there is only a week to go before we enter anew the laurels of our respective schools. This also means that we will have again those darn tough classes which are also boring and sleepy sometimes. Again, those unending tests will come. Damn it.

Currently, I'm listening to the song "Never Let Her Slip Away" by Andrew Gold, the guy who originally sung the song. Heck, the song is just damn nice and this is just one of those songs that I listen to whenever I need an inspiration.

I watched Game 3 of the Fall Classic, the World Series earlier. Disappointingly, the Colorado Rockies lost by the score of 10-5. Daisuke Matsuzaka of the Boston Red Sox was just amazing. Finally, he has proven that he can pitch a big game with convincing fashion. Also, we all knew that he can hit the baseball and thanks to the game occurring in a National League ballpark, we got a chance to see him bat and oh boy! It produced wonderful results. He hit a 2-RBI single. That was really amazing! The Red Sox lineup is just awesome thanks to their leadoff guy, Jacoby Ellsbury. That guy really added some punch into the Red Sox offense with his 4 hits. Colorado will not win this World Series unless their starting pitching improves heavily and also, they need to hit the ball well. Game 4 is tomorrow with Jon Lester of the Red Sox going against Aaron Cook of the Rockies. Both scheduled starters have overcome medical disabilities this season by the way.

Life is so ironic. It is a machine that throws anything that it wants at you at any given moment. Life is a stage play. We are the actors but God is the scriptwriter. Life is a book. We are part of the characters but God is the author. Life is a sports team. We are the manager but God is the owner. That is essentially my opinion about life.

All I want to do now is to settle all my differences with all the people that I've known especially her. Heck, I want myself to be at peace now. A person without worries. I hope I can accomplish by settling all the disputes. I wonder why the person hasn't replied. I think that I did something wrong again. Oh brother! I want to fix all the issues now!

I've uploaded some tunes in my Multiply account. If you want to go to my Multiply site, here's the link: CLICKITY CLICK. Just comment about the site please and also, if you have some suggestions, please share them to me.

I'm about to take my dinner in a few minutes and I ought to input more of my thoughts before I eat. I'm sorry to you. Please forgive me. I'm just really sorry.

The times have changed. How I wish I didn't pray for that thing to the Lord Almighty during the summer. I totally regret it. But I wonder why He granted it. Maybe it's for the betterment of me but I think that the exact opposite happened. I just really miss her presence and he fact that she's no longer my classmate somehow was etched in my mind.

Okay, this is it.



As I'm thinking of some ideas for this new entry of mine, I'm currently listening to the song "Bulls On Parade" by Rage Against The Machine, the band comprising of Zack de la Rocha on vocals, Tom Morello on guitars, and Brad Wilk on drums. The band is so damn nice. Listen to the song "Killing In The Name" for some rock music pleasure.

Seriously, I have lost hope for the present things to go to my favor. What exactly do I mean by this? By this, I mean that things are in my favor when I can easily shrug all the emotion aside and treat things that I see through my naked eye as things that can be easily ignored. I want to bid farewell to all the feelings that are still existing inside me but I can't do it since it's way damn difficult.

Please listen to the song "Apologize" by Timbaland feat. One Republic. The song is nice in my opinion and for the first time, I've finally heard a song produced by Timbaland that is "radio-friendly" to say the very least.

Diverting my attention to something else so as to not to think about *ehem* some things that can occupy my mind for a loooooong time. Whenever I am occupied with these thoughts, my focus is rattled. I can't seem to get them out of my system for a long time already. Damn my immaturity. I think that what if I continued my plans before this school year to go to another school so as to have an "important change of environment" that I sorely need so that I can forget the past. Yeah, you can think of me being that desperate to forget a "simple" thing for all of you but for me, this damn thing is so effing demoralizing and that is one of many reasons on why I want to simply forget it and start a new AND untainted life.

Yes, blame this thing on myself. After all, my stupidity and my inability to understand girls caused my chaotic downfall. Also, I just ended up doing one mistake after another. I mean, I caused all the BS that's happening on me.

"I'm head over heels for someone that I can't really deal with. I wanna block her from my mind but I really can't do it. I tell myself the last time I'mma let her do this to me. Whenever we do spend time, I realize that I can't get enough of you."
- "One And Only" by Timbaland feat. Fall Out Boy -

This song has been definitely the one that has making me feel good these recent days. Heck, I just can't imagine if I can still surpass this damn obstacle that I'm facing in my life. I just really think that there is only little hope left for me to overcome it. I hope this is not the case. I really want to clean up this mess in my life as soon as possible dammit.

Ate Kat is definitely right. I should have accepted that simple reality much earlier in my life. I'm so stupid. It hurts to know that my own sheer stupidity caused this BS to happen. Definitely, I'm the worst person in this whole damn universe now.

Now, I'm taking this painful and enduring process slowly but surely. I hope I can make this BS stop and I hope that I can have a second wind in my life after all this BS stops.




"I've looked for love in stranger places but never found someone like you. Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back and now there's nothing I can't do. 'Cause this is real, and this is good. It warms the inside just like it should but most of all it's built to last."
- Meléé's "Built To Last" -

I'm definitely astounded by everything that has transpired. Damn such events. It's like lightning strikes twice. I thought like I've overcome that damn problem in the past but I guess I was a pretender then. I never thought that the emotions existed all along - waiting to be rediscovered again by foolish me. I really thought that the emotions were vanquished when someone told me to let it all die out.

Blaming myself is the thing that I've done. Who the hell would have done one stupid thing after another other than me? I think blaming myself is just right. I really think that I shouldn't have liked the person after all the "rejections" that happened. She never liked me and I don't know what suddenly happened to me. I suddenly became prone to pain and I still liked her and I blame myself for that. I should have let time do its job but then, thanks to my indecisiveness, I thought I could do it in no time at all but then, I was definitely wrong.

Again, this is just what you call paying the price for all the damn mistakes that I've made in the past. As they say, everything has a corresponding consequence and experiencing pain is just the price that I've received.

Whatever happens now is just a result of something in the past. I really think that I must now look for someone else. I can't like her now. Seriously, I really just can't. Also, she doesn't like me and I even don't stand a chance.

The fault in my part is that I shouldn't have shown everything. I should have kept all my emotions since when you release your emotions, you are putting yourself at risk. Since I released something, I was in danger of getting hurt and as history tells us, you know what happened to me.

Oh well, it's time for me to be strong and put all the pain aside and treat things as if nothing happened. However, all I want now is to let this feelings die. Why? It's because I really have to forget that part of my life and c'mon, someone's there for her already.

All I can do now is to forget and move on. If ever help is needed, I am still here but then, she has someone already.




"It's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet! Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words, it makes me weak!"
-Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" from their album Extreme Behavior-

Yes, you read that right. The title of this blog entry of mine talks about denial. Out of all possible things, how come "denial" was the one that I've decided to talk about? Well, as some of you may know, I'm currently in a state of denial while doing this enduring process called "moving on and putting the puzzle pieces back to place". It's just like bleeding out all the pain inside for now while acting normally.

I guess avoiding the person was also a mistake. Hanging unto something wherein reality there really is nothing to hang on was also a huge mistake. Pretending that things were finally fine was also a mistake on my part. Well, I must also be optimistic in the long haul since with every mistake comes a chance for me to redeem myself as well. I really want to redeem myself since I want to regain my pride, dignity, honor, and my confidence as well.

I really think that I'm in a state of denial since though how much I want to recover, I can't since I still have thoughts of the person running in my head. Yes, it is ironic and I'm just ironing this out as of the moment.

I think the solution is maybe, I just treat things as if everything is normal. If I see them together, I just have to brush the emotion off. It's for the best. I really want to restore all normalcy first by re-establishing things that were hampered by my stupidity and indecisiveness.

This is now the time for me to prove to everyone that even though I'm trying to make things look as if I'm not doing anything, the fact is that I will let these wounds heal while talking to that person. Understood? If yes, good!

Yes, I admit I still like the person and I tried to avoid the person since my desperation to forget some things got the best of me. Oh well, I'm sorry.

Damn. Things will change and what's frustrated me in the past is that it just takes so long. Oh well, time to end this and I hope that person replies.




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GAME: NBA Live 08

Imagine yourself buying something that you really want but when it's time for you to use it, you get pissed off. This is what EA has done with NBA Live 08, a game that was expected to be the one to rule basketball games but due to some shortcomings, it all ended up as crap. First impressions usually result to something good in terms of previewing videogames. A first look at NBA Live 08 gives a person that improvements are finally about to be done by EA on its once dominative franchise but as soon as you play it . . . your expectations are turned into disappointments.

NBA Live 08 graphically looks lame. Players still have large heads just like last year. A choppy and slow frame rate doesn't give help to the game either. The coaches of teams look lame too as if they are afterthoughts. Heck, some of the players just don't look like their real-life counterparts. A lingering problem since NBA Live 2005 was released, which is the players aren't running very well on the court, is again present. It just really looks that EA didn't exert a lot of effort for this game.

You might ask yourself "Is there anything new to this year's reincarnation of the Live franchise?". The answer is yes, there are things that are new to the Live franchise but they don't add anything that can spice up the game's declining value. One of those new things is the scrapping of the superstar abilities. This just means that gameplay is definitely simplified. However, star players of a team perform superstar abilities; this time though since the gameplay is pretty much simplified, you don't have to press L1 together and a face button to perform them. In short, just give the ball to your star player and press Circle to shoot and your star player will do the job. Another new addition is the feature named as "Player Hot Spots". This feature, through a shot chart, depicts the spots wherein a player is hot, represented by the color red ,or cold, represented by the color blue. In my opinion though, this feels like an afterthought since the feature doesn't really help a lot since an open shot from a cold spot will result to a made shot. Also, apparently because of this year's various FIBA Tournaments, a new mode entitled as "FIBA Tournament" is added. However, the mode features inaccurate rosters, that is in terms of the U.S roster, and doesn't therefore add appeal to the game. There is also a scenario mode wherein you only take control of your team in game-changing situations. Again, this doesn't add any appeal since it won't even help you expand the amount of time you will spend for this game.

With new versions of basketball games subsequently comes updated rosters. However, in NBA Live 08, no player ratings have changed(especially that of the Lakers squad). Disappointingly, some ratings are just really unexplainable like that of Greg Oden and Kevin Durant's.

One of the best modes of the NBA Live franchise, the Dynasty Mode, returns in this year's reincarnation. However, if you have played last year's version, you will be definitely disappointed. There are no changes from last year's Dynasty Mode. It all starts with the NBA Draft and again, ESPN analysis is present. It really is just the same Dynasty Mode we saw last year. EA just felt that their franchise has been peaked into the highest possible form so they probably felt that changes shouldn't be made.

Sound-wise, it is also poor. What stands out though is . . . still the tandem of Marv "The Czar" Albert and the GM of the Suns, Steve Kerr. The soundtrack is not bad but it is not great either. If last year's version featured some hip-hop tunes, this year's version offers more dance hits. However, some of the tracks are just really unfamiliar. Timbaland, Joss Stone, and LCD Soundsystem stand out from the rest of the pack though.

The camera angle might puzzle the gamer during the actual game. The camera angle transition just looks like awkward. Play the game to see it for yourselves.

The game is pretty much the same. My advice is you better buy NBA 2K8. It is definitely the best of the basketball games this yeat.

Graphics 3/5 : The players still have large heads. A change of graphics engine is definitely needed. The stadiums are laughable too because they just don't look right.

Gameplay 3/5 : Yes, it offers high-scoring action and it is simplified but it just doesn't feel good. It just gets too boring quickly. Dynasty Mode hasn't been tinkered so say goodbye to experiencing happy times with NBA Live 08.

Sound 3.5/5: The sound doesn't stand out. The soundtrack is not that bad and it is not great. The commentary saves the sound department from shame.

Replay 2/5: It will disappoint you. The lifespan of this game is just low. The additions in the game appear more of as afterthoughts and don't broaden the appeal of the game.

Overall 3/5: A disappointing end for the Live series in the PS2. No changes or innovations have been made and this definitely contributed to the game's shortcomings. If you really want to play a basketball game on your consoles, better buy NBA 2K8.



"Would you rather be a widow or a divorcée? Style your wake for fashion magazines!"
-Fall Out Boy's "The Take Over, The Breaks Over", a song from their highly-successful album, Infinity On High-

Quite astonishing is the fact that this is the first time that I used some lines from a Fall Out Boy song to be featured in this stinking blog of mine. I haven't updated this blog of mine for quite a while now due to fatigue and I'm currently ironing out some kinks in my life which have bothered me a lot this past few weeks.

Well, the happy memories returned but then, the pain shots itself alongside with the happy memories. Why does this happen most of the time? Am I prone to pain or what? C'mon! I already had enough! Seriously, is it because the gaping holes have not really been patched up well? Or maybe its because the gaping holes have been patched up but my mind tends to think of it though emotionally, I'm tired of it? I desperately need everyone's help in solving this problem that has been plaguing me for quite a while now. Please help me if you have some advices or help that you can muster.

Currently, I'm finalizing my draft for my NBA Live 08 review for the PS2. I'm near to finishing a review again! Weeee! I'm currently playing Bully for the PS2. The game is just damn nice! I like it more than GTA since it's in a school setting.

To be honest, I just want to be a person who just likes a person but won't commit myself yet. When I'm committed, it just seems that I will get hurt all the time. You see, life is weird. It spits out everything that it wants in any moment and you just have to grind it out for you to get the best out of it.

I'm now listening to the song "Dance Dance" by Fall Out Boy. Fall Out Boy is simply awesome. Fall Out Boy, please stage another concert here in the Philippines.

Sorry to all of the people that I've hurt. Heck, all of you know who you are and I'm sorry. Heck, why in the hell am I getting like this in this blog of mine?

Should I avoid the person until the wounds are healed? I want an answer by someone that knows the whole story of my problem. Should I totally avoid the person? By that I mean, no text, no message in any form possible . . . simply avoid in school. Should I do it? You might say it's my choice but I want an opinion or an answer from someone who knows the whole damn situation. Heck, I think I have deleted in my cellphone somethings that have her name. I'm definitely bad right? Sorry but I'm just desperate to forget the pains and the past altogether.

Have I changed as a person or am I just too rude about the situation? Well, time for me to embark on some soul searching. I seriously have to do it. It might benefit me in the long haul anyway so I guess I just have to do it.

Here is my status message in YM:

I just had enough already with Exodus. Exodus is a section that made me feel that I don't belong and thank you! Most of you are plastics and I definitely want redemption! Thank you for making me experience the worst school year of my life. You have demoralized me guys. I'm not happy anymore. So don't be surprised when one day I suddenly burst out all the emotion inside.




I'm not starting this entry with a quote. Rather, I would say what has been boggling my mind at this moment. Mah gawd! The exams are taking their toll and I'm surely tired. Heck, I'm listening to Velvet Revolver's songs now. The songs are "Fall To Pieces" and "She Builds Quick Machines". They are a band that plays rock music with guitarist Slash, one of the best in the business definitely. They now have two albums which are "Contraband" and "Libertad".

"Everyone knows I'm in . . . over my head! Over my head! With eight seconds left in overtime, she's on your mind . . . she's on your mind!"
-The Fray's "Over My Head" from their smashing album, "How To Save A Life"-

My life has been an uphill battle against the intangible truth about some unacceptable realities and some unexpected moments about keeping my emotions in check and knowing my limitations.

One person has been inspiring me and I have to say that this person is simply the best. Heck, all I can say is thank you. That's all.

Oh well, I have raised the white flag. My feelings might just hurt me in the long haul. I have to do what's best for me and I think that keeping myself quiet about what I feel for someone would be the best for now.

I just bought three new games for my PS2. The games are: NBA Live 08, NBA 2K8, and Tiger Woods PGA Tour 08. A review for NBA Live 08 will come later. Heck, the game is just so damn effing poor. Bleh, don't buy it. You're just wasting your money on such a crappy game.

Kudos to Manny Pacquiao for winning against Marco Antonio Barrera. Fight analysis from yours truly will be made later in the day. Thanks.

So this is it for now. Please watch the ALCS on Friday as the Boston Red Sox take on the Cleveland Indians.

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