DIVERTING MY ATTENTION TO SOMETHING ELSE IS ALSO FUTILE

As I'm thinking of some ideas for this new entry of mine, I'm currently listening to the song "Bulls On Parade" by Rage Against The Machine, the band comprising of Zack de la Rocha on vocals, Tom Morello on guitars, and Brad Wilk on drums. The band is so damn nice. Listen to the song "Killing In The Name" for some rock music pleasure.

Seriously, I have lost hope for the present things to go to my favor. What exactly do I mean by this? By this, I mean that things are in my favor when I can easily shrug all the emotion aside and treat things that I see through my naked eye as things that can be easily ignored. I want to bid farewell to all the feelings that are still existing inside me but I can't do it since it's way damn difficult.

Please listen to the song "Apologize" by Timbaland feat. One Republic. The song is nice in my opinion and for the first time, I've finally heard a song produced by Timbaland that is "radio-friendly" to say the very least.

Diverting my attention to something else so as to not to think about *ehem* some things that can occupy my mind for a loooooong time. Whenever I am occupied with these thoughts, my focus is rattled. I can't seem to get them out of my system for a long time already. Damn my immaturity. I think that what if I continued my plans before this school year to go to another school so as to have an "important change of environment" that I sorely need so that I can forget the past. Yeah, you can think of me being that desperate to forget a "simple" thing for all of you but for me, this damn thing is so effing demoralizing and that is one of many reasons on why I want to simply forget it and start a new AND untainted life.

Yes, blame this thing on myself. After all, my stupidity and my inability to understand girls caused my chaotic downfall. Also, I just ended up doing one mistake after another. I mean, I caused all the BS that's happening on me.

"I'm head over heels for someone that I can't really deal with. I wanna block her from my mind but I really can't do it. I tell myself the last time I'mma let her do this to me. Whenever we do spend time, I realize that I can't get enough of you."
- "One And Only" by Timbaland feat. Fall Out Boy -

This song has been definitely the one that has making me feel good these recent days. Heck, I just can't imagine if I can still surpass this damn obstacle that I'm facing in my life. I just really think that there is only little hope left for me to overcome it. I hope this is not the case. I really want to clean up this mess in my life as soon as possible dammit.

Ate Kat is definitely right. I should have accepted that simple reality much earlier in my life. I'm so stupid. It hurts to know that my own sheer stupidity caused this BS to happen. Definitely, I'm the worst person in this whole damn universe now.

Now, I'm taking this painful and enduring process slowly but surely. I hope I can make this BS stop and I hope that I can have a second wind in my life after all this BS stops.

Savvy?